Goodbye

It's amazing how things can change in a blink of an eye. How the whole change to a different one from the one the you knew. 

How you can be so happy with someone and all of a sudden things are just so different. That you thought you could not live without them but in the end you have to accept the nothing last forever. Though it's hard to think that the person you love, loves you so much but you realized that you were wrong.

If someone loves you so much or when they say that their love is real, they are willing to give up everything, be with the person that they love no matter what the cost and do everything or at least try to in that case.

Well, it's sad that the person that I thought who loves me cannot do all that. She always said that she wants to be with me, live with me. But she always have excuses for her not to be. She said she cannot leave her family behind, but we are suppose to start our own. That she will only come and live with me when we are married. But  as I have said, it doesn't matter, loving someone should be with no conditions. 

It just hurt so badly that knowing that our love could end this way. I really thought that she is the one. The one that I will spend the rest of my life with. The face that I see every morning I woke up. The one that I would be with having a cup of tea in the afternoon sitting down watching the sunset when I am old.

All I can do is hope, but that's always what I have from the beginning. But I could never be the person that she is looking for. I can't live up with her expectations. For in the first place as what she have said, I am not rich and fuck that I am not that good looking either. And that shit came from her own mouth.

It's hard to say goodbye but sometimes we have to. Or maybe I'll say goodbye by simple fading out of her life. And maybe someday she will find what she is looking for.

Rainier's Blog: A Woman That I Love

Rainier's Blog: A Woman That I Love: "I meet this girl in an unexpected place and time. I was not even looking at her way at first even if we were in a group of friends. She is b..."

Fading Love

         In  love, what would make a person change her feelings? Could it be the distance that makes love fade? Could it be the people surrounding her that makes her disregards me in a way?
         I really don't know. It hurts me to know that the feelings that she has for me which is so strong so powerful that it brings me joy in every moments that I think about her could fade. I can feel that it slowly is fading. Before she can't leave her phone by her side and sends me messages all the time, and now she have no hesitation of leaving it to go to her friends. That's one sign that she's losing it. She's losing her love for me.
        She was that one that said it, that if she will go back to their hometown because of the dictation of her family that she will lose me. I know know what that means though I speculate that she will stop thinking about me, about us, because she has a lot of people surrounding her in that place. For that main reason already, love could easily be lost.
        I've made a promise to myself that I would never do a thing that would hurt her, that I would not do anything wrong to lose her. Now, she is the one that is hurting me by the thought that I could lose her in my life. She is the only person in the world that I really loved. She is the only one that makes me happy every single minute that we were together. Losing her would mean that I will lose my reason of living.
       There are a lot of possibilities for love to fade. Hopefully she will realize that she is fading and go back to loving me like the time that we were together.

A Woman That I Love

I meet this girl in an unexpected place and time. I was not even looking at her way at first even if we were in a group of friends. She is busy talking with another guy and I was busy talking with my friends who I haven't seen for quite a while.
Then all of a sudden we were sitting beside each other as there were more people that joined our group. Then, we started talking to each other in nothing important in particular. We were drinking together and we are singing as we are doing videoke. She can't sing and all our friends taut her not to sing but I gave her a chance to voice it out and from then on we become close to each other.
After a couple of hours together with our friends, I can't remember how it started but all of a sudden we were kissing each other. And at the end of the night I ended up in her place. But nothing really happen. Since we were so drunk already anyway.
I was only there in the place where she is for a couple of days and I left to go back to work. But even if we were away from each other we still communicated and love started to grow.
I was back after two months to meet her again. I stayed in her place as she insisted. We went to the beach together with our friends on my last day and there we had a serious talk about our relationship. If I'm true with it and if I'm willing to commit and I said yes as I am and she said she is as she is tired with playing with relationships.
From then on I know that I love here so much already. I tried my best not to have anything going on with other women. I had a lot of chances but I said no to them.
And then finally she came over to where I am. She said to make sure of everything including her feelings.
I was surprise to know that she was not sure because I thought we had a talk about committing to each other already from our previous meeting. But then I just let it passed since I admit that I did have some lapses before when we're away.
We had a lot of fun being together with just the two of us. Dinning together, walking along the beach, sleeping together and making love to each other passionately as we both miss us being together. I had the best days of my life when she was with me. I love every moment that we spent together. The smell of her skin, her tender lips against mine, the softness of her hands and the love that she made me feel.
Then comes the day that she has to go back and I really saw pain in her eyes as she was about to leave and that I know that she really love me.
When she arrived home and when we're talking in the phone, she told me that everything is clear for her already that she have love me so much after the time that we we're together. For me is the same feeling as everytime that I go home the first thing I do is to call her name as if she was there.
From that moment, my love for her is just so amazing that I will do everything for her and I want her to be the one that I will spend the rest of my life. Everything is just like heaven everytime I think of her and her love.
Then, we were in a conversation about her family that they might not approve in us. I told her it's all going to be fine because I will fight for my love for her. She told me that they are the one that chooses and that they have already chosen somebody for her. It's all fine with me as I will try my best to be good that her family would not disapprove.  But when I asked her if she like the person that they choose she cannot answer me back. So I keep on bugging her to tell me. Then she finally told me that he is actually her boyfriend until now but far away and that they never have been together. But it hurts me to know that we made a commitment and she belongs with someone else. She said her feelings for him is cold already but she did not even tell me right at the moment that we commit to each other.
And then, the biggest shock of my life came. I found out that he was supposed to come last month to meet her and they were planning to get married this month. It cuts into my heart so deep that I could not bare the pain. Knowing that I love her so much and that I was willing to spend the rest of my life with a woman that was suppose to spend the rest of her life with somebody else when she told me that she wanted me to be the one already.
And after that, I've found out everything about her on how she is with men. That nothing last with her that everything are just for fun. She is still with this guy who's far away and she was even with other men.
To know that, it really hurts me that she might do the same thing as we last longer. She said that she wont do it because she loves me so but how will I know if she told that also with the other guy.
I am confused and I dont know what to do. By now I know that I love her so much and she said she does.
I even just understand the situation that I am in right now. Accept everything in her past and hopping that she have change and that she will not do anything wrong.
I will have to continue with this relationship because I love her so much.
But the end result with this will be in a couple of months. If we are still together and she still love me without anybody else.
I will continue this story in time when I could say that the woman that I love is really mine............